Seinfeld Quotes

"The sea was angry that day my friends."
"You're not married? ... Oh, you're both going to hell."
"Not that there's anything wrong with that. "
"I am Costanza... Lord of the Idiots. "
"My boys need to be free. "
"They're real, and they're fantastic. "
"Maybe the dingo ate your baby. "
"Maybe the dingo ate your baby. "
"No soup for you! "
"You're a bad man Jerry... a very very bad man. "
"Elaine: "Puddy, don't wait for me." Puddy: OK"
"What's the deal with lampshades? if it's a lamp..why do ya want shade? "
"Newman- "I called in today, I don't work in the rain..." George- "Yer a mailman, 'neither Rain nor sleet nor sno- IT"S THE FIRST ONE!" "
"Kramer -"So the cat's RAAAHAAAAAAAA outta the bag, i'm KOSMO KRAMER!" "
"I tell ya Jerry it's a PEACH!"
"Kramer-"I used to hold you way up here, THEY were always down here.. Now you're aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllll the way down here...." "
"OH yeah THIS'LL work..."
"I'm at first and first....wait a second...how can 2 streets intersect one another?... i must be a the NEXUS of the universe."
"These pretzels... are making me thirsty."
"We need to look to the cookie. "
"You're fusilli Jerry. Why? Because you're silly. "
"Mulva...DELORIS! "
"Can'tstandya"
"Helllloooooo lalala It can be spanish, Hola, helllo. "
"These pretzels are making me thirsty."
"But are you still master of your domain? "
"Because I'm a woman! Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-boom, chicky, BOOM, chicky boom, boom, BOOM! "
"YOU'RE BALD!"
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things. "
"Well maybe, one day, when the pig-men roam free, then we will have better traditions. But until then, OFF with their heads!"
"I can drop you like a bag of dirt!"
"They're real, and they're sprctacular."
"It shrinks??!! Why does it SHRINK??"
"Unfortunately the immutable laws of physics contradict the whole premise of your account. Allow me to reconstruct this if I may for Miss Benes as I've heard this story a number of times. Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me. According to your story Hernandez passes you and starts walking up the ramp. Then you say you were struck on the right temple. The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple striking Newman between the third and fourth rib. The spit then came off the rib made a right turn hitting Newman in the right wrist causing him to drop his baseball cap. The spit then splashed off the wrist, pauses - in mid air mind you...- makes a left turn, and lands on Newman's left thigh. That is one magic loogie"
"The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus."
"Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop."
"Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it."
"If you're a spirit, and you can travel to other dimensions and galaxies, and find out the mysteries of the universe, you think she's going to want to hang around Drexler's funeral home on Ocean Parkway?"
"Vandelay! Say Vandelay! "
"And you wanna be my latex salesman?"
"It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong. "
"I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham."
"Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious."
"Sex to SAVE the friendship. Well if we have to, we have to. "
"Oh, see? that's why I don't have cable in my house. Because of that naked station. If I had that in my house, I would never turn it off. I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't eat. Eventually, firemen would have to break through the door, they'd find me sitting there in my pajamas with drool coming down my face. "
"I'm not a lesbian. I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian. "
"Why not? If she can't find me, she can't break up with me."
"Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries? I don't know. "
"I'm speechless. I have no speech. "
"Cinnamon. It should be on tables in restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime someone says, 'Ooh, this is so good - what's in this?' the answer invariably comes back, 'cinnamon.' Cinnamon. Again and again."
"You see, Elaine, the key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved."
"Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Sleep, do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating... THAT'S a fantasy camp. "
"God... it's like a sauna in here. "
"I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual."
"Hi, my name is George, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents. "
"I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution. "