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Evan Esar Quotes
Evan Esar Quotes
"If you want noise or silence, the drum is an instrument you can't beat." "Life is a card game during the first half of which we get birthday cards, and during the second half get-well cards." "If you think there is safety in numbers, try playing roulette." "The best time to relax is when you don't have time to relax." "Footprints on the sands of time will never be made sitting down." "Shakespeare murdered Hamlet, and a great many Hamlets have murdered Shakespeare." "The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening." "The wheel enabled man to get ahead - until he got behind it." "The secret of a secret is to know when and how to tell it." "Remember this on your way up, the biggest dog was once a pup" "Tomorrow ought to be the longest day in the week -- judging from the number of things we are going to do then." "You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it." "Truth has only to pass through a few persons to become fiction." "It is better to give than lend and costs just about the same." "One ounce of example is worth a pound of advice." "The best time to make friends is before you need them" "You can't use your friends and have them too." "No matter how much you nurse a grudge it won't get better." "You can never tell wether advice is good or bad until you no longer need it." "If there's anything a dentist hates it's a drooping mustache." "A dollar saved is a dollar earned, but seldom vice versa." "If at first you don't succeed, cry, cry again." "The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts." "Some go on a diet while most are merely wishful shrinkers." "Consience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does." "It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway." "Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once." "Barking dogs never bite -- while barking." "Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl." "A signature always reveals a man's character -- and sometimes even his name." "Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings." "Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions."