Emo Philips Quotes

• "I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them."
• "I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."
• "My parents were very protective of me ... whenever I went to cross the street, they would get very excited and start making bets"
• "Does anyone want to try this weed? It's called Brown bomber."
• "You know in the cartoons when there's a bear and he's looking at a table and the table turns into a delicious turkey with like, lines of deliciousness coming out of it? "
• "I swear to god, Cristina... I like you. I really do. But I grew up in a trailer park and I am not above kicking your pampered little Beverly Hills ass. And I do mean physically kicking your ass."