Chris Rock Quotes

• "I will do whatever you want, just don't eat me."
• "Man, I'm so bad at sports, they used to pick me after the white kids."
• "If you haven't contemplated murder, you haven't been in love."
• "Only the good rappers are dead, only the good ones ... Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive."
• "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"
• "Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them."
• "Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? People are nice to ya, they give you the beneift o' the doubt... You drive a flash car down the freeway and the cops'll pull y'over and before they even look they like 'What the f**k are you doing?' and then they see it's you and they like 'Awww man, it's Chris Rock, it's okay, man we thought you was a nigga'."
• "Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing."
• "Have you been watching American Idol? They have Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul judgin' the singin. Paula Abdul?! Gettin' Paula Abdul to judge a singin' contest is like gettin' Christopher Reeve to judge a dance contest!"
• "Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one."
• "Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four. We own this shit. Basketball, baseball, football, golf, tennis, and as soon as they make a heated hockey rink we'll take that shit too."
• "If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty."