Billy Madison Quotes

• "Remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade? Rock: r-o-k?"
• "Actually I, uh, stole this shirt from Frank."
• "Dad, I think Crazy Carl is right."
• "Now you're all in big, BIG trouble."
• "No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll."
• "Ooh that boy's a fine piece of work all right. He's a fine piece of ass though, too."
• "Have some more sloppy joes. I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy."
• "Lady, you're scaring us."
• "Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
• "If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits."
• "Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school. Well, here goes nothing."
• "Oh my God, Old Man Clemens hates shit."
• "Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barbara, it's one of those flaming bags again."
• "Don't tell me my business, Devil Woman. Call the fire department, this one's outta control."
• "He called the shit "poop"."
• "Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap."
• "I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some."
• "Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest."
• "Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest."
• "That Veronica Vaughn is one hot piece of ace, I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean."
• "You get your ass out there and you find that FUCKING dog."
• "Billy-Whoa whoa whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think 'You got a pet. You got a responsibility.' If your dog is lost you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog."
• "It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around."
• "O'Doyle rules."
• "HEY! Who threw that? I'll turn this damn bus around. That'll end your PRECIOUS little field trip pretty damn quick, eh?"
• "I disagree, it's a very good game, but i think Donkey Kong is the best game ever."
• "How 'bout you Sideburns? You want some of this milk?"
• "T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR!"
• "I HATE SCHOOL AND I HATE ALL OF YOU! I'M NEVER COMING BACK TO SCHOOL, NEVER!"
• "I hate school and i hate all of you! I'm never coming back to school, never!"
• "Chlorophyll? More like BOREophyll."
• "Sooo hot, want to touch the heiny, aooooooooo!"