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Bill Brasky Quotes
Bill Brasky Quotes
"Bill Brasky has a toenail at the end of his penis." "Bill Brasky wears a live rattlesnake as a condom." "Brasky thinks the iron man is gay." "The character of Johhny appleseed was based on Bill Brasky except for the part about planting seeds and not raping men." "Bill Brasky showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi." "Brasky went public with his own buttox and made 7 million." "Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky showed up at my daughter's wedding? You know my daughter, she's a beautiful girl. Well, Brasky shows up and you know he's a big fella. Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's drunk and he's Brasky! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries me and Brasky! We spend the weekend in the Poconos — he loved me like I've never been loved before!" "Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman's bikini around the office? Brasky tears off my clothes and makes me wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily. But at the end of the quarter, I'll be damned if my sales hadn't tripled.
" "He'll eat a homeless person if you dare him." "He sired a baseball team... An orchestra, if you count the bastards!" "Did I ever tell you about the time I had breakfast with Brasky? Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for eight months straight. When he woke up, he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin!'" "So anyways, Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and walk his pet cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra 'Beverly'. And he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day, it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky had to shoot the maid." "Brasky would use his own thigh as an anvil!" "It was the sight of Brasky’s naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane." "They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium!" "I masturbate to the Teletubbies!" "He gave a hand job to a manta ray!" "The character Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky, except for the part about planting appleseeds and not raping men!" "Brasky used to ride upon a steed, perchance to spy a lady." "He framed Roger Rabbit" "Brasky still believes in Santa Claus! And he wants to put him in porno films." "Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human! ...Like the guys in Terminator 2." "Brasky taught his son to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked, and died. Brasky said, 'It would have happened sometime!" "Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Brasky's groin!" "He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom!" "Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in heels!" "They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium!" "If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds!" "Brasky named the group Sha-Na-Na! They did not want to be called that!" "He breast-feeds John Madden!" "Did I ever tell about the time Brasky was in a production of The King and I? On opening night, Brasky chloroformed the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours! The production got pretty good reviews." "Brasky ranked 18th in the AP College Football Poll." "Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong!" "Brasky got his wife pregnant and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak... The afterbirth was sauteed mushrooms!" "He has a toenail on the end of his penis!" "Brasky once hosted the Grammys, and gave every award to Corey Hart!" "We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it." "Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits! He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives, except Fleagle!" "Brasky went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million." "He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson." "He's a 10-foot-tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby Shrimp Scampi.
" "Every kid on this field was fathered by Bill Brasky! Every one of 'em!" "He once had sex with a cigarette machine!" "He once ate the Bible while water-skiing!" "He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident!"