Adam Sandler Quotes

• "The price is wrong, bitch."
• "Jennifer Connelly is half Jewish, but I would like to put more in her."
• "Well, I have a microphone and you don't, so you will listen to every damn word I have to say."
• "He has a 5 year plan ... what is it, don't die?"
• "Hey, old man river, zip it or I will break your hip."
• "Ta ta ta todaaaaaaay, junior."
• "She said we were doing laundry together? Where I come from, we call that doing the hibidy dibity."
• "Soooo hot, want to touch the heiny, ooooooo."
• "I didn't break it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I thought he should be with his family."
• "During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody."
• "If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass."
• "I'd like to have a kid, and I'd like to be driving around. I know a kid is going to be a big part of my life. I can trust my kid. I know my kid would be in the backseat of my car, and when I say "You wanna get some ice-cream?" he's going to be happy. My brother has kids. I see that trick work, the ice cream trick."
• "I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing "Maria" from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up."
• "I never had a speech from my father 'this is what you must do or shouldn't do' but I just learned to be led by example. My father wasn't perfect."
• "I don't know who I touch and who I don't. I work hard trying to make people laugh. I try to do the kind of stuff that made me laugh growing up. I don't have any secrets. I don't know the reasons I've been so well received."
• "I bought my parents some stuff. That feels kind of good to be able to do that. I got them a place in Florida. I think I'm allowed to say that - I hope my dad doesn't get mad at me. But I don't spend money on myself. I don't like myself enough yet. But the people I love, I like spending the cash on them."
• "I'm not comfortable being around too many people. I don't like being out in public too much. I don't like going to bars. I don't like doing celebrity stuff. So most of the characters I play are people who don't always feel comfortable beyond their small circle of friends."
• "My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing."
• "We just bought this house. It's too big. It's like 400,000 square feet, or something. We got an indoor lake and ski slope in the house! It's just too big."
• "When I got into this, I never thought about reviews. I never thought about what people would say about me, I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor, and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do."
• "You know, when you don't go on TV and talk about how many women you sleep with, some people in Hollywood, that are supposedly 'in the know,' start whispering that you're gay. If I were gay, I wouldn't be ashamed to admit it, but I'm not."
• "Well, we're living in a material world, and I'm a material girl... or boy."