40 Year Old Virgin Quotes

• "Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins too? That's funny... I didn't even know you g-girls talked like that. I think my first time might be your best time too. Well I knew it, you know what? I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter will all the compassion and care that someone would give to their soulmate."
• "No, I'm not gay I'm just celibate."
• "You know how I know you're gay?"
• "Wow. This is graphic."
• "Yeah, well you know, nine dollar beer night."
• "You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say I went to magic camp? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Oh, I am the 7th degree imperial yo-yo master."
• "Ooooh, do me yo-yo master I want you to do me cuz you're the yo-yo guy..."
• "That was Jay's idea, and I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is the gayest thing you could possibly do."
• "I'm not getting bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay."
• "I like your sweater. Does it come in a V-neck?"
• "Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson!"
• "Let's stay inside so everybody can see what a pussy you have ok because when I remove the blade that I keep in my boot from its sheath I cannot return it until it has split blooood."
• "You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!"
• "And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "tackle drunk bitches.""
• "You think "A woman fuckin' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman fucking a horse."
• "It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her."
• "Oh, Seth, please! You have a tiny penis..."
• "I saw this movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was, "Don't lie.""
• "You know what you're problem is? You're putting the pussy on a pedestal."
• "How many pots have you smoken?"
• "You can fuck her while watching "Murder, She Wrote". She'll like that."
• "I dated this girl for four months, and it was the best thing in my life! Until she went down on this guy in... an Escalade, I think."
• "I'm starvin... let's get some fuckin french toast!"
• "You know, I may not have had sex, but I could fuck you up."
• "AAAH! FUCK ME IN THE ASSHOLE!"
• "So you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was hurtin' for a squirtin'?"
• "Yeah, I remember that girl, she was a hoe... for sho"
• "If I have to hear "Yamo Be There" one more time, I'm going to "Yamo" burn this place to the ground."
• "If I have to hear "Yamo Be There" one more time, I'm going to "Yamo" burn this place to the ground."
• "I touched a guy's balls once in Hebrew School."
• "That's a good looking grandma! My grandma looks like Jack Palance."
• "You should keep your ho on a leash."
• "Here it is - Boner Jams '03. It’s a mixtape of all my favorite boner scenes in the summer of 2003."
• "Here it is - Boner Jams '03."
• "You was lookin' for a nigga, nigga here now!"